Stop Being a Victim!

December 30, 2014 Oyibo Princess

Hi Readers. I actually did not mean to post this to this blog. This from my other blog “If Al Sharpton and Rush Limbaugh Had a Baby” which is about my experience living as a mixed woman with a black, progressive mother who watched MSNBC and a white, Republican who watches FOX News and listens to Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. It’s not a blog I totally feel comfortable about publicizing and it is not great to be honest, but I see few stories like mine on the internet or elsewhere and I feel that my story needs to be told. So I am not taking it off of my hair blog, which is a lot more popular. This may garner some criticism. But how can my blog improve if it is never criticized or encouraged and how can it be criticized or encouraged if it is never read? So here it is:

Today, I was talking to my mom (she’s the black one) about what I discovered about affirmative action–I won’t go into detail, but I will say that for a while, I believed the lie that underrepresented people of color who benefit from affirmative action are less qualified than their white or Asian counterparts, but after reading some of Beverly Daniel Tatum’s chapter about affirmative action in Why are All of the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?, I learned that without affirmative action highly black candidates are looked over. I felt empowered by this because all the while I thought I was not smart and realized that I may even be smarter than my Asian and White classmates from the top 10 university that I graduate from, so I told my mom. Usually when I talk to my mom (again the black, liberal parent) about issues of racism, sexism or other -isms, I do not allow my dad (the white conservative one) to hear it, because he usually says something insensitive, but I didn’t think he could hear because we were in the laundry room, but guess what. He did hear me and he did say something insensitive. When we walked out of the laundry room, the first thing that my dad said was, “Stop being a victim.”

This is not the first time he said this. The last time was when I expressed my dismay with personal encounters with racism I had experienced in the workplace, with the Supreme Court’s ruling against the Voting Right’s Act, and the way that the media was unfairly portrayed Trayvon Martin’s girlfriend on Facebook. He commented on my post and said the same, “Stop being a victim.” I gave him a long explanation as to how he was wrong and he simply said, “Ok. Go ahead and keep being a victim.”

These are the moments when I wished that I wasn’t mixed or that my dad would at least be more sensitive or stop listening to Ann Coulter or Rush Limbaugh OR that my mom was the white one and my dad was the black one–that way the white parent might show a little more sensitivity and the dad, who’s probably less likely to be sensitive experienced racism himself so he could identify with my situation without doing any mental gymnastics required to be empathetic.

I sent this to my dad (the white conservative one)–It’s a video that explains empathy–because he doesn’t have any empathy:  It’s a video that explains empathy

These are the moments wonder why my mom (yes, my mom the black one) would have thought of her children when she married such an insensitive man.

I hate it, because in these moments, my mom does not even understand. She think she understands because she has experienced racism, as a black woman, or that because her father did not understand sexism and was sexist. But having an aversive or passive racist father is not the same as having a sexist father. Does a sexist father tell you that someone is a thug who deserved to die simply because he smoked weed once, pushed a bus driver once, and looks like you even though he himself is all three?


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